If we met 10 or 20 years ago, you would be 100% sure that you are not talking to the same person.
How did change happened? When? Why?
Until I entered my 30’s, I only knew what I don’t want. I was smart, full of advices, clear and control freak with a lots of NO & DON’T words.
Croatia is pretty traditional country. Everyone knows the best for others, there are a lots of rules and here you can see three generations of one family living under the same roof. No one here is minding its own business. Here you can decide not to go to school, but also live with your parents til you’re 40+
So… I was raised to follow the rules. Nothing big. Respect older, finish school – not any school – decent school, you need to fill the fridge. So don’t follow your dreams, “you can’t be an artist painter, you can’t buy a bread with that” – as my mother said back then. Get a job. And live. Simple as that. So was it?
I was so confused, that I was only sure that I want to have a drivers licence and kid. One kid is enough to fill your purpose.
So, how did change happened? With lots of NOs and DONTs I filled my life. I was so focused on what I don’t want and everything was coming back to me like a boomerang.
All of a sudden, I had to face that I’m living a life which I didn’t want to. And I needed a change. I needed escape and start fresh. But I started fresh with old habbits, old rules, two daughters and nothing was changing. How strange.
10 years ago I decided that I have to change the way I’m thinking, talking and acting. It was hard. Harder then I toghut. But you only live once, so what the hell, it’s my life we’re talking about.
The process was brutal and I had no back up, no helping hand and no one was excepting the life I wanted to live, so I had to make it on my own. With two kids in rented apartment and very soon jobless.
When I stopped struggling with surviving, bad bosses, low sallary, no sallary, filling the fridge, paying the rent, moving out and in, also changing jobs, I finally decided it was time to create my own life.
My old NO&DON’T habbits gave me the exact things. For example, I don’t want to marry and then I did. I don’t want to have agressive man and I married one. I don’t want to get divorced but I did by the age of 30. I don’t want to drive red car, but I bought one. I’ll have third kid when my third arm start to grow. You’re guessing? I don’t have three arms… Everything was coming back to my face. How convinient!
So when I threw away the habbits, the way I was raised and teached, I started to breathe. With few old&new friends, clear brainwashed mind and whole life in front of me. I started to apreciate every day, as a blank page. I started to thinking about what I want and follow my intuition. And the Universe-Karma-God (call it however you like) took care that I get what I deserved.
And I deserve only the best!
Raw life 